How Pregnancy Affected My Relationship With My Husband

I had wanted to be a mother my whole life. While we weren’t exactly planning on getting pregnant so soon after our wedding, I still found this to be good news. I was so excited to meet our little baby, someone that we had created together. I wanted so badly for my husband to be excited too!

My husband’s initial reaction to the pregnancy was not a happy one. Of course he was going to love and take care of us no matter what, but he truly didn’t feel ready for such a big change. He had hopes and dreams for our marriage and life before having children. The excitement I had hoped he would have was replaced with fear, sometimes disguised as anger.

I would get excited when the baby was kicking and wanted him to feel it and be a part of that with me. I wanted to feel like he was bonding with the baby too. He felt those tiny kicks a few times, but it really wasn’t a big deal to him.

The Disconnect

This photo and featured photo by Taylor Stagg

I wish that I would have simply been prepared for the disconnect that being pregnant would cause between me and my husband. Especially with our marriage being so young and still learning about each other. And I wish I would’ve been more patient about where he was coming from. I wish I had been better at communicating what my needs were.

There were times during my pregnancy where I would get annoyed and wanted my husband to advocate for me – especially around his family (as I wasn’t quite comfortable around them yet). And I felt that he often would do more advocating for them to me instead. We would argue about places to eat, when I could barely eat anything without gagging. Or about activities to do on a family vacation, all of which I was uncomfortable with. My husband simply didn’t understand what I was going through, the anxieties I felt, why I felt so strongly about certain things, and why things might be so difficult for me. He didn’t fully understand how this pregnancy was affecting me.

The Reality of our Child Sunk In At Different Times

The reality of our child was very real to me from the second I found out I was pregnant. I was hyper aware of the life inside of me. I would get nervous anytime we were in the car because I recognized the danger it brought to our unborn child. After our son was born, my husband expressed how nervous he was driving with our baby in the car. I explained to him that I had been feeling that way for nine months already.

Our son wasn’t entirely real to him until he was born. While I felt like I already knew our baby, my husband was meeting him for the first time. My husband was extremely supportive, both during pregnancy and labor, but not all men react in the same way. He didn’t react poorly, but his reaction also did not meet my expectations.

Finding True Connection

I wish that I hadn’t been so hard on my husband and trusted his journey. Even though he didn’t want to watch birth class videos with me, he REALLY stepped up in any and every way I needed him to while I was in labor. It became such an intimate bonding experience for both of us to go through. Being together, as one, during such a difficult experience truly united us more than we had ever been before. He was there the entire time, applying counter pressure, letting me hang from his shoulders, feeding me snacks, giving me water and electrolytes. While he didn’t react how I thought he might to the news of my pregnancy, the way he reacted while I was in labor surpassed all of my expectations and reminded me of the incredible man I chose to marry.

What Was Your Experience?

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