Just Married!
We weren’t exactly baby-planning, and still very much in that honeymoon phase, but I knew there might be a chance… I could be pregnant. I tried to brush it off, we even went to the hot springs close by. While we were there, the “what if’s” made me nervous and I stayed in the shallow end, doing my best not to overheat – “there might be a chance.”
Mother’s Day
Two months after getting married, we were celebrating all of the amazing women around us. I found my heart yearning for a child. This surprised me as I didn’t quite feel ready to become a mother. I still needed to finish school, and I wanted to enjoy being married. It was an internal conflict unlike anything I had felt before. But on this particular day, I found myself feeling sad, mourning what I did not yet have. Little did I know…
We went over to my parents’ house to celebrate Mother’s Day together. My stomach began to ache, an ache that seemed quite familiar. It felt like an ovulation day, but it couldn’t be. Was this cramps? It must be. Yet, I wasn’t due for my period for another 5 days.
My husband and I ended up leaving early because I wasn’t feeling well. He even jokingly mentioned, “what if you’re pregnant?” I dismissed his comment, in disbelief. I was convinced my period would just be early this time. We must be in the clear.
The Day That Changed Everything
After three days of cramping, my confidence in not being pregnant became uncertain. I had never had cramps for so long without having a period. Something was off. I did some research and realized I could take a test, but it might not be accurate before actually missing my period.
On that Wednesday morning, I decided that I wanted to put my mind at ease and that I would take a test. My husband had already left for work. I truly did not think that I could be pregnant. I pulled out a box of tests that I had on hand. There were two tests in this box. I grabbed one and I took the test. Nothing happened. Not even the control line showed up. Did I do this wrong? I decided to re-test with the same test. Immediately, two lines…
“I took this test wrong because I used it twice,” I told myself. “It’s not accurate” I hurriedly pulled the second test out of the box and took it. I didn’t even have to wait, the results were immediate… Two lines.
My entire universe was shaken up. “I’m not even done with school yet.” The thought of finishing school and taking exams with pregnancy nausea filled me with anxiety. Then I started doing the math and realized we would have a baby in January. We won’t even make it to our one-year anniversary before having our baby. I worried about how my husband would react. I knew he wanted to wait longer before having a child. Then I began to worry about how I would tell him.
Act Normal
Somehow I ended up at work that day, and went on with my usual schedule. The day felt so silent. My coworker was there and she kept talking to me, but I heard nothing. “I’m pregnant” I thought. As the day went on, the shock turned into excitement, and worry. A rollercoaster of emotions. When my coworker ended her shift before me, I felt somewhat relieved as I didn’t have to try to act normal anymore.
I began planning on how to tell my husband. I had to tell him that day, or the news would eat me alive. However, I didn’t want to just tell him – I wanted to do something special.
I decided to get off work early and drove to a nearby store. I headed straight for the baby section, a place I had scarcely found myself in before. I began looking around and found some white baby booties, “these are perfect!” I thought to myself. I hurried through the checkout line – then proceeded to text my husband, “I’m on my way home.”
Finally
After getting home, I wrapped the baby booties and pregnancy tests nicely in a box. I then waited anxiously for his arrival. Eventually, I saw his figure emerge behind our double glass doors. He entered. I asked him to sit down, and told him that the box on the couch was for him to open. He didn’t seem thrilled, as he’s not one for surprises. He wanted me to tell him what this box was, and I just told him again to sit down and open it. He sat down and saw the baby booties, immediately jumped up and suspiciously exclaimed, “you think you’re pregnant?”
I hurriedly picked up my tests from inside the box to show him and I told him no, I didn’t think I was pregnant, I knew I was. He was in shock. This began his own journey of processing and coming to terms with what this meant for our future. This was the beginning of his journey into fatherhood, a role I have absolutely adored watching him fulfill.
Motherhood Homemade 
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